your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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