roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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