Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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