Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
