I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
40s are totally the cure
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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