You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
