Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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