My balls are so social today.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
