I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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