he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
