I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
home. puking in laundry basket.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
