i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
