lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Randomize
