its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
