I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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