everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
