Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
