I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
