Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
pop tarts are not kleenex
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
