***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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