my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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