Rock
Scissors
Fuck
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize