College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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