Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
