We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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