she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
