I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
