Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
