It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
