this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
