Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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