just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
