just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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