Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
