i think my mom watched the whole time
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
