I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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