we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Still dying that you shit outside
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I would ride that face into the sunset
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
