So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Found your dick twin last night
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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