Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
smell my finger.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
