Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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