Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
