if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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