She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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