She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
