My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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