no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
