At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
