meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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