I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
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That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
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The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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