I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
