yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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