This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
