I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
