I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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