At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
