when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
