I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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