i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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