Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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