I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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