i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
