Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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