puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
