at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
