We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
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It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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