Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
