I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
