WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
