U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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