Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
