i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
