She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
