Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
