I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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