I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
