But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
