I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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